Why I am choosing a c-section

So it really took me a long time to decide whether I should write this post or not because I know a lot of people will have a lot of opinions. Before I continue I just want to say that I love and cherish every one's opinions, but my mind is made up on this. If you don't have anything positive to say about this then please keep your opinions to yourself. Steven and I have thought and prayed a lot about this decision and have decided it is the best option for our family.

Anyways, I feel like there is a lot that is going into this decision that people don't know about me so I'll start there. I never wanted to be pregnant. Before my mission I had a conversation with my mom how pregnancy was the last thing I ever wanted. Sure I wanted to be a mom, but getting pregnant to reach that was never in my plans. The thought just gave me this weird feeling and so I always planned that I was going to adopt.

And then I met Steven.

I knew that he wanted kids and I hadn't really voiced loudly my opinion on this. Plus I would joke how of course I was going to get pregnant because we were going to have cute kids. So I decided I would try it. I mean it could not be as bad as I thought it was.

When I first found out I was pregnant in April I was excited, but also a little iffy on the whole thing. There was really no turning back, but hey we had planned this and had been trying. I could do this. It wouldn't be so bad, right? So many people gush about how they loved being pregnant that it couldn't be bad.

The thing is, I have not enjoyed any of it. It's not that I have had terrible horrible morning sickness or anything like that, I just don't like it. Of course when people ask I say how much I can't wait till Declan get's here and on and on because that is what is expected. I know many women probably feel like I do, but because of the social stigma we just don't talk about it. We as women don't feel like we're supposed to feel this way so we just keep it to ourselves and suffer in silence.

I have an amazing husband though that understands this. He get's how feeling Declan move inside me freaks me the heck out. He get's now more than ever that this is not what I want. And now that we're going through it, it's easier for both of us to understand to what extent I don't like it.

To truly understand why I am choosing a c-section you also have to understand how much I hate not having control. In pregnancy you really don't have any control and you sacrifice a lot before your little one even get's here. With my mom living miles and miles away the only way for her to be here is if we schedule a c-section. It is the more controlled option. It is a way for me to at least make one decision about my body. It is a way to make sure my mother is going to be there. And it is a way for me to actually feel ok about this entire thing.

A lot of people will think that this is because of anxiety, but it's not. I just don't like it and I want to at least be able to make one choice.

I am very aware of the risks, but there are risks in vaginal delivery too. I am also aware that recovery is longer, but I have this AWESOME support system who will be there to help me. Steven will be off of school, my mom, dad, and sister will be here for about a week and a half, and on top of that one of my best friends has offered to drop everything and come stay here for awhile if we need it. So even though there will be a longer recovery, I have some awesome people on my side to be there to help.

So for me a c-section is the best option. It isn't for everyone, but it is for me.

Also kudos if you read this entire thing!

#pregnancy #randomramblings #mychoices #csection